he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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