the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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