apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
