oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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