OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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