you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
