why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
