so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize