if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
