I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
