I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
