i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
