When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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