He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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