getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
