He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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