I CAN MOONWALK!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
