Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
