there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
