Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
