your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
