Heybabeimwearingurpanties
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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