it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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