Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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