Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
