Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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