She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
