She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
