Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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