wakey wakey hands off snakey
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
