O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
