I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize