Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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