I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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