you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
