Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
