i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
