Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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