every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
