Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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