i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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