Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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