I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
