I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize