In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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