If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
