We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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