So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
