I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize