Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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