Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
