The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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