So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
