Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize