She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
