I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
