That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
