Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
