Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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