you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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