Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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