We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pants are for mortals
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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