remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
