Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
